Horoscopes: If Publications Were Astrological Signs

By: Ashley Bustamante

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Sports Illustrated

Sports Illustrated has the high energy of a fire sign, and Aries is a pure firecracker who loves being the leader and beating the competition. What could be more energetic than non-stop sports coverage? Sports Illustrated has flaunted Aries energy since 1954, when they pushed for more eye-popping colorful photography in an industry that was still very much black and white.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Into the Gloss

A Taurus knows how to treat themselves to the finer things in life without breaking the bank, and Into The Gloss offers advice on just that with articles like “The Ultimate Guide to Everything Cozy” and “A Good Silk Pillowcase Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive”. A sensual Earth sign, Taurian ITG slides right into people’s bathrooms to interview them about their favorite beauty products in the spot where they’re most comfortable.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20): BuzzFeed

What even is BuzzFeed? How can you describe a Gemini? They’re a curious sign known for their duality. Though articles like “We Can Guess With 99.9% Accuracy Which Food You Hate The Most” and “Who Bleeds American Blood?” may seem like an odd pairing, it makes perfect sense to a Gemini. BuzzFeed is known for their award-winning investigative journalism alongside rabbit holes of entertainment, providing the endless amount of information a Gemini needs to satisfy its multiple personalities.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22): Architectural Digest

Cancer is a homebody sign, represented by the Crab, which means that finding the perfect “shell” to serve both as a space of security and identity is important to them. It’s a sign ruled by the Moon, which influences the home. Architectural Digest covers interior design across the world and its affluent style signals the material security that a Cancer could be craving. Architectural Digest features beautiful home tours and plenty of design inspirations to fulfill a Cancer’s visions of a dream home.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22): Vanity Fair

Leos are ruled by the Sun, and they want everyone to know they luxuriate in it. Vanity Fair has a serious side, but it’s mainly known for pop culture and fashion, among other guilty pleasures like following the Royal Family’s latest scandals. Vanity Fair hosts one of the most exclusive parties in the world — the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, which a true Leo would never miss.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22): The New York Times

This legendary newspaper is a Virgo, a practical Earth sign with a strong logical and analytical nature. Represented by the Maiden, Virgos always want to be of service. The company’s mission is to help “people understand the world,” a mission that Virgos love to undertake (Virgo-splaining is a true phenomenon). Virgos can be overachievers, and the NYT has won more Pulitzers than any other newspaper.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22): Refinery29

Refinery29 wants to deliver style and substance to its audience. This means providing an equal balance of the latest beauty trends and the abortion restrictions introduced this year. This website’s mission is to show that readers can be well-informed while looking their best. Venus-ruled Libras are aesthetically driven, but also have a diplomatic side that seeks out justice for everyone. As a Libra, Refinery29 can talk about beauty, style, and the latest political affairs in the same conversation.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21): i-D

i-D was born out of 1980s punk London, and is constantly reinventing itself, just like the transformational Scorpio. Ruled by Pluto, Scorpios are known for self-transformation, rebirth, and a tendency to explore and investigate. While i-D has evolved from its fanzine days into a beautiful glossy magazine, it still covers street style and youth culture. i-Ds winking logo is iconic, since Scorpios are known by their enticing eyes.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21): Vogue Italia

Sagittarius is not just Vogue, but Vogue Italia, specifically when it was run by Franca Sozzani. As a foreign-language magazine always pushing the limits, Vogue Italia is effortlessly cool and beautiful. Under Sozzani, Vogue Italia was provocative and innovating in true Sagittarian fashion. She created Condé Nast’s first reprint in its history when she used only black models for the July 2008 issue.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19): The Financial Times

The Lord of responsibilities, Saturn rules this serious sign. Capricorns are commonly known to be ambitious social climbers, represented by the symbol of the sea goat, who traveled from underwater to the top of the mountain. The Financial Times covers economic and business news, publishing articles like “The Beginner’s Guide to Buying a Private Island,” something only a Capricorn could afford. Their signature salmon-pink paper was cheaper to print on 100 years ago. Now it’s an expensive way to flaunt their status as an internationally renowned financial newspaper.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18): The New Yorker

The New Yorker is an intellectual Aquarian, interested in everything from artistic reviews to social and political commentary. An integral part of the New York community, the New Yorkers covers and cartoons have become influential cultural statements. It’s an iconic fixture of the literary community as well. As the sign that rules groups, Aquarians will enjoy being in the company of those who work towards exciting and moving every reader through their celebrated prose.

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20): Hi-Fructose Magazine

A transcendental Water sign ruled by dreamy Neptune, Pisces are creative and are always willing to embrace the newest ideas in art. Hi-Fructose Magazine is a contemporary art quarterly that “transcends genre and trend,” covering the latest breaking talents across all mediums of art. Its focus on unique and original art that bend genres suits Pisces’ powerful imagination. Hi-Fructose is not afraid to go beyond the comfort zone of the “alternative” norm, and the awe inspiring artwork will bewitch any Pisces looking for mesmerizing artwork.  

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